what is life? what is free?

what is life?  we have the ability to think of such questions, is that life?  

don't belittle me.  why is be-little negative?  insignificant, small...ah but isn't are perception just so?   

nothing in life is free.  and yet life is given quite freely.  free?  what a delightfully useless word these days.  so over used that it's nearly lost all meaning.  
i often wonder why we bother with words at all, it's such an archaic form of communication.  even among the few humans who seem to have a grasp upon the concepts let the simplest words slip through.  and if it wasn't enough to have hundreds of thousands of words, we went and made up  of languages; and to top it off we let many of those die without record of their meanings.  
oh, but i stray.  
there is a 'cost', if you must call it thusly, to life; but that 'cost' is nothing more than change, lol.  oh, i do love word games.  change as in forms of energy, not your silly coins.  life is change; it is one of the many forms that energy takes.  what does it cost the trees to grow?  cats eat and sleep, who and how do they pay?  if the cat uses a box that is left on the side of the road, what is the cost?  who paid for it?  all life, all energy 'pays' all the time (ah, but time's another topic all together).  X amount of energy goes in to create Y and Z.  i can't wait, everything cost time...at least in this realm of existence.  Time and energy, that's the real money!  that is your cost, the price you pay to exist. 
your life is manipulation of energy.  you can make a glass and then fill it with water and drink.  between your thoughts and the actions of your body inside and out, you, we are constantly manipulating our whole world.  we have so much power and control and so much freedom to change and change again.  

never forget your power to change and manipulate the world within and all around you. just as you know yourself to be the stuff of stars, know too that you are a mass of energy. a constant and ever changing form of power and creation.

until death do i part

i am only alive until i die, that it all. the only appointment i have to keep is with death. it is one in which i can not be early, nor can we meet late. so, if you want to play with me, im free till then. i don't work. i'll hang out with you, i'll help you, but i don't feel like working ... maybe i never will again. i will eat when im hungry and there is food that i like, only then. i will not lower my standards! i am perfectly me in every way and at all times! these are nothing but the facts; you will only believe what you choose.

yes, i think of you. sometimes i remember...ah, but that was another time in space, back when we were different people. before time let us change.

there was a time, before i died, when i thought death would be calm, rest.  how long ago was that?  back when i thought life was pain and suffering, discord and conflict. lol, like that time i made a calender and thought, "my time will be organized."  yes, yes, little boxes, little boxes and they are all the just the same, the yellow ones were the weekends.  aw, the good old days, when lines were straight. ha, and we think gold fish have small minds, ha ha!  as if our bowls are any bigger or more full.

i close my eyes to protect them from the dust in the wind.  they asked me, "why do you plant gardens as you travel?"  while i try to understand the question, another asks, "how long will you stay here?"  i am alive.  the look of puzzlement surrounds me.  what can i say, we speak different languages?  i come from TC land, where life is the spreading of seeds through time and space, where nothing is constant.  what is 'stay'?  what mean you 'here'?  all is energy, here/now is only an idea...like life/death, awake/sleep, red/black.  all is.  shall i speak in flat tones only because you think in 2D?  we paint the wind, that fact that you miss the basics means little to me.  you are only part of who i really am.  our dream does not own me.  just as your thoughts of this world are only a part of the world.

ding dong.  but who has a bell anymore?  the witch is still dead and horses can be any color.  a reference only works if we have a shared experience.  just as manipulation is the only form of communication.  i think there fore i am and thus there is meaning in everything.  if nothing else i think, thus it means something to me.

why should i play with your rules?  seeing as how we are only a part of it all, and thus the rules are only a piece.  but you can only understand what you think, not what i feel and see or think and say.

what is profound?  what happens when i look at the cat in the box?

its not that i think im better then you, i know i am different.  for you it is enough that the sun warms the earth, where you live.  for myself, aw, well, i see many stars.  i see, i feel the pulse of the earth and i am the sky.  i feel the breath of the trees in every foot step.  the smoke doesn't blow in my face, i am part of it.  i am the cat and the box, we are all that is, and i know it.  i am the understanding that i seek.
it's not that i'm not human or anything, i am, human i mean.  it's just that i know i am everything.  i dont think the world revolves around me, you see, i am the world.  i am all that is and will ever be.  so sometimes i get a bit board.  i don't travel so much as i wander around.  it's not that i dont care, i really really do, sometimes i think it's too much.  but in the end, in this moment, i know it's all just dust, even the wind.  the emotions that i feel, i reviel in.  i like to sit on the beach and let the waves wash over me.  i let myself absorb and be absorbed.  

i know guilt is not your only currancy, nor is love, or that which you call money.  time and life are odd currancies to me, but i do seem to enjoy the games.  even if i feel at odds playing with your rules.  
*snezz* 
"bless you"  
"oh, sorry, do go on"
blesses and sorries, honestly, how crazy you all seem to me.  do any of you really believe in a god?  and what pray tell, lol, do intend with this 'sorry' you toss around like love and lolly-pops?  do you really mean to say that you regreat that snezz?  yes, how dare your body try to mantain it's exstance with it's mostbasic defences.  to be fair these things are left overs from all but forgotten times, but really, grow up will ya.  

ah, but who am i to tell you how to live and die?  who?  i can not rightly say, lol.  all i know, which really is nothing, is that i am me, if in fact i am at all, which i've yet to prove to myself.  a paradox indeed.  eh, that's life, or so they say.  who are they?  that, i can say!  they are all that is not us!  fat lot of good that fact is.  they say i should write a book.  a book about what, tho?  my mind wanders more than the rest of me.  

i've not even been around my home planet's sun 30 times, yet i have already forgotten more than 75% of my life.  i bearly recall situations that, at the time seemed so dire, so important.  now they are far away dreams, hardly real, even to me.  friends and family that i knew once are mere blips in a sea of random images.  some situations have been perserved as bubbles to be mixed in with the sea foam.  who am i, if not my memories?  am i but a jumble of thoughts and ideas that float as water droplets among the fog?  will i rain down upon the earth in many scatered forms?
if so does that not make me as god?  i sow the seeds of the gardens and i water them with myself and then i grow myself anew.  the teacher is the student, the creator is the creation.  we are our own dream.  
there never was a they, until we split ourselves into ourselves, lol.  

but what is the meaning of this?  or is the the meaning itself?

oh, well, now that that's solved, what next?  dinner?  ah, but we can't stop.  we can't be what we're not.  the creation must keep creating it's self.  at least till it's all over, if it can ever be.  

this one time, after birth and before death acured to me, i was alive.  moving about and thinking thoughts. thoughts that i thought were my own.  lol, as if one could own a thought.  it was an odd time.  change was always constant.  and if that wasn't odd enough, i met others.  they were much like i was; thinking and walking about.  we acted as if someone knew what was going on, lol, we acted as tho we knew what we were doing.  with all our grand ideas, we just went about bumping into each other, joselling each other about.  each of us claiming we had something figuared out.  of course we did, have it worked out, but i never did meet anyone who knew what it was that they had.  funny, life has a way of doing that to it's forms.  makes you think you know something, but leaves you wondering what it is that you do in fact know.  i used to go to bed wondering if i really knew what i knew and how it was that i knew it for sure.  

i still don't know what it was that i knew and what it was that i only thought i knew.  
wonder, thats the big key.  just to sit and lay all over that big ball, wondering about it all.